SEPTEMBER 10, 2003

Full News Archive

• Headline: Bloomberg's Approval Ratings Rise. Impact: Bloomberg's slight uptick in approval ratings marked the beginning of a long-standing tradition of politicians believing that raising taxes somehow makes them more lovable. This led directly to the rise of the 'Tax Me, Maybe' campaign in local elections.. Fact: Bloomberg's approval ratings were so low that they were practically subterranean. It was like watching a political stock crash – 'Buy low, sell high' never seemed so ironic..
• Headline: World Business Briefing | Europe: Britain: Marketer's Profit Falls. Impact: Aegis Group's profit drop sparked a global trend of marketers seeking therapy after realizing they might not be as vital as they thought. This led to the annual 'Marketing Meltdown' conference where they bond over overpriced lattes and existential dread.. Fact: A drop in profits is often accompanied by executives claiming it's 'just a phase.' Kind of like when a teenager says they're 'just experimenting' with a new haircut – it's usually a disaster..
• Headline: Panel Proposes Safety Changes For Pickups And S.U.V.'s. Impact: The proposal for safety changes in pickups and SUVs led to a newfound awareness of vehicle safety. This eventually led to the invention of smart cars that could parallel park themselves, but ironically, they still couldn't avoid running over the neighbor's lawn gnome.. Fact: Side airbags were once considered a luxury feature, much like a heated seat. Now they're standard, because let's be honest, who doesn't want to be cushioned during a minor fender bender?.