AUGUST 6, 2003

Full News Archive

• Headline: Diller's Company Earnings Disappoint Investors. Impact: The slow decline of InterActiveCorp's stock prices is what ultimately led to the invention of a new flavor of ice cream: 'Investor Meltdown.' Now, people can enjoy their sorrows with a scoop of regret.. Fact: Did you know that the stock market is the only place where people ride a roller coaster and then complain about the lack of safety? Welcome to capitalism!.
• Headline: New York City Tourism Trends Revealed. Impact: This slight uptick in tourism might have inadvertently spurred a New York City renaissance, inspiring the next generation of street performers who will one day become viral sensations. Thanks, 2000 summer tourists, for laying the groundwork for TikTok fame!. Fact: New York City: where the hotels charge less, but the rats still expect full price for their nightly rent!.
• Headline: G.E. Will Buy Transamerica Lending Unit From Aegon. Impact: If GE hadn't snatched up the Transamerica Lending Unit, we might be living in a world where electric appliances would still be considered a luxury. Can you imagine a toaster that doesn’t toast because it’s waiting for funding?. Fact: The only thing more confusing than corporate mergers is trying to explain them to your grandparents. 'So, you're telling me GE is buying what now?'.
• Headline: With Bryant in Court, Marketers Might Flee. Impact: Kobe Bryant’s court case might have led to a series of marketing strategies that prioritized ethics over celebrity. In another timeline, McDonald's is now promoting salads instead of burgers – all thanks to a basketball star's misfortune.. Fact: In a world where athletes are often saints in the eyes of advertisers, Kobe Bryant’s case was a shocking plot twist. Who knew athletes could be human?.