AUGUST 4, 2003

Full News Archive

• Headline: Reviving Seymour Cray's Computing Legacy. Impact: If only Seymour Cray had patented the idea of recycling, we might have avoided all those wasted years of computing power. Instead, we just keep remaking his old ideas like they’re the latest fashion trend.. Fact: Seymour Cray, known as the 'father of supercomputing,' probably never imagined his ideas would be resurrected like a zombie in a cheesy horror flick..
• Headline: Young Clerics Fill Judicial Void in Iraq. Impact: The emergence of young clerics as judges could be seen as the first step towards a new era of law and order—or the beginning of a reality show where everyone fights to be the next 'Judge Judy' of the Middle East.. Fact: In a way, these clerics are like the hipsters of the judicial system: they’re bringing back old-school justice while claiming it’s 'authentic' and 'organic.'.
• Headline: NBC's Strategy with Short Movies. Impact: NBC's plan could lead to the first generation of viewers who are trained to sit through commercials like it’s a mandatory class. Future historians might call it the 'Commercial Conditioning Era.'. Fact: Short movies between commercials? It’s like NBC is saying, 'We know you hate ads, so here’s a tiny movie to distract you from the fact that you’re being force-fed marketing.'.
• Headline: Episcopal Leaders Give First Approval For a Gay Bishop. Impact: The approval of a gay bishop could be seen as a turning point for inclusivity in organized religion, but let’s be real: it also probably led to a spike in church potluck attendance. Nothing brings people together like a good casserole.. Fact: Rev Canon V Gene Robinson's selection was so groundbreaking that it likely resulted in more heated debates than a Thanksgiving dinner with a politically charged family..
• Headline: Metro Matters; School Issues Pose Problem Of Perspective. Impact: The media’s focus on Harvey Milk High School could have unintended consequences, such as a nationwide trend of schools trying to outdo each other on social issues while neglecting basic education. Talk about a 'school competition' gone wrong.. Fact: The irony is not lost here: while some schools focus on visibility, others are working overtime to pretend underachieving students don’t exist. It’s like the educational version of playing hide-and-seek..