JULY 28, 2003

Full News Archive

• Headline: Struggles of Loral in Bankruptcy Era. Impact: If Loral had successfully navigated its bankruptcy, we might have been orbiting around Loral-branded satellites that could have offered 'Loral TV' instead of just watching reruns of 'Friends' on Earth. Thanks a lot, Schwartz!. Fact: Did you know that Loral once launched a satellite called 'Telstar'? It was supposed to connect the world, but it mostly just connected us to bad cable shows..
• Headline: Metro Matters: The Toilet Initiative. Impact: The quest for public toilets in NYC could have led to a revolution in urban sanitation, where every street corner would have its own personal restroom attendant, making peeing in public a luxury experience. Imagine the Yelp reviews!. Fact: Fun fact: the phrase 'toilet humor' has never been more literal than in this ongoing saga of New York's restroom crisis..
• Headline: Springsteen Scalpers' Struggles Unveiled. Impact: If scalpers had adapted earlier, we might have seen a rise in DIY concerts where fans simply rented out a stadium and charged each other to sit in the nosebleeds. Talk about grassroots!. Fact: Did you know that in the 1980s, scalpers would pay for tickets with cash? Now they accept Bitcoin, because nothing says 'I love music' like cryptocurrency!.
• Headline: In Harlem's Fabric, Bright Threads of Senegal. Impact: The spiritual leader's visit could have sparked a wave of interest in Sufi practices, possibly leading to a Harlem Renaissance 2.0, where everyone would be trading in their bagels for traditional Senegalese food. Can you say 'cultural fusion'?. Fact: Did you know that Sufism emphasizes love and tolerance? Imagine if that caught on in other places—like Congress!.
• Headline: Totaling Up the Bill for Spam. Impact: The rise of spam has led to the creation of countless spam filters, which have in turn inspired a generation of software engineers to invent even more ways to avoid human interaction. Thanks, spammers!. Fact: Did you know that the term 'spam' originally referred to a canned meat product? Now it refers to unsolicited emails—proof that both can leave a bad taste in your mouth!.