JULY 16, 2003

Full News Archive

• Headline: Shakespeare's Henry V in Central Park. Impact: This charming evening with a Playboy Prince somehow led to a global fascination with Shakespearean reinterpretations, which ultimately resulted in a dystopian future where every blockbuster movie is a Shakespearean adaptation starring a celebrity. Thank you, Liev Schreiber.. Fact: Did you know that Prince Harry actually thought 'Henry V' was a reality show about his great-great-great-grandfather's dating life? The royal family has some unique interpretations of history..
• Headline: Japan's Economic Hopes and Challenges. Impact: Japan's economic woes have echoed through time, leading to a paradox where every time someone says 'lost decade,' a new hipster café opens in Tokyo, serving overpriced matcha lattes to tourists who think they've discovered the next big thing.. Fact: Did you know that economists have a secret handshake? It involves a lot of sighing and looking at graphs that don't seem to make sense..
• Headline: Volkswagen Boosts Chinese Production Capacity. Impact: Volkswagen's push to ramp up production in China set off a chain reaction of car enthusiasts worldwide, leading to the invention of the world's first traffic jam - in 2035, cars got so smart they started arguing over who had the right of way.. Fact: Did you know that if you stacked all the Volkswagen cars produced in China end to end, they would reach the moon? Just kidding, they would probably just get stuck in traffic in Beijing..
• Headline: About New York; Blessed Are The Pack Rats. Impact: The grotto of religious folk art became a global phenomenon, inspiring a trend where every tourist destination started creating their own 'artistic' religious installations, leading to bizarre sculptures like the 'Holy Gnome' and 'Pope of Pudding'.. Fact: Did you know that pack rats are actually just religious folk art enthusiasts? They collect everything for their own personal grotto, which unfortunately remains in their basements..
• Headline: Fed Chief Gives Bright Outlook; Cuts an Option. Impact: Greenspan's upbeat outlook on interest rates created a false sense of security, resulting in a worldwide obsession with low rates and a bizarre fad where people started treating their savings accounts like pets - pampering them, taking them for walks, and even naming them.. Fact: Did you know that interest rates are like a roller coaster? Except instead of screaming in joy, you just cry over your empty wallet..