JUNE 28, 2003

Full News Archive

• Headline: Congress Clashes Over Medicare Reform Bills. Impact: After the Medicare reform, countless elderly folks became prescription drug connoisseurs, leading to an unexpected rise in pharmaceutical-themed bingo nights. Who knew that a simple bill could turn grandpa into a drug dealer of sorts?. Fact: Did you know that the House and Senate can pass bills faster than you can say 'gridlock'? It's like watching a slow-motion train wreck with a side of political theater..
• Headline: New York City Council Passes Historic Budget. Impact: This budget was so massive that it sent shockwaves through the local economy. Property values plummeted faster than a lead balloon, and the citizens of NYC started hoarding canned beans in preparation for the impending tax apocalypse.. Fact: Fun fact: The NYC budget is larger than the GDP of some small countries. So, basically, New York is its own mini-nation, complete with overpriced coffee and questionable pizza..
• Headline: Lafayette High School's Revival Efforts. Impact: The attempts to restore Lafayette High School sparked a nationwide trend of schools adopting 'former glory' as their official motto. Next thing you know, every school in America will be boasting about their glory days while ignoring the actual state of education.. Fact: Did you know that Lafayette High School once boasted Sandy Koufax as a graduate? If only they could channel his pitching prowess to throw away the violence instead of baseballs..
• Headline: Politics and Poetry Are Volatile Mix in New Jersey. Impact: The controversy surrounding Amiri Baraka's poem launched a new genre of political poetry that either inspired or infuriated readers, resulting in coffee shops hosting 'open mic' poetry slams where politicians tried to rhyme their way out of scandals.. Fact: Did you know that poetry and politics are like oil and water? They don't mix well unless you're trying to start a fire—then it's just a hot mess..
• Headline: G.O.P. Steals Thunder. Impact: The Republican Party's thunder-stealing led to a new fashion trend: politicians wearing lightning bolt pins to signify their shocking victories. Meanwhile, Democrats were left wondering if they should just start wearing raincoats.. Fact: Did you know that this was the biggest Medicare overhaul since the Johnson Administration? That's right—politicians have been playing catch-up for over 40 years. Talk about a slow-moving train!.