JUNE 23, 2003

Full News Archive

• Headline: Workers' Compensation Insurance Costs Rise Dramatically. Impact: The soaring cost of workers' compensation insurance created a ripple effect that pushed companies to invest in more robotic workers, leading to the eventual rise of our future robot overlords. Thanks a lot, insurance companies!. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more expensive than workers' comp insurance is the cost of a good lawyer to argue why you deserve it? Spoiler alert: you don't..
• Headline: Bipartisan Agreement on Spam Legislation. Impact: The rare bipartisan moment over spam led to a series of increasingly ridiculous congressional proposals, including a bill to outlaw pineapple on pizza. This would ultimately result in the Great Pizza Wars of 2035.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing Congress has unanimously agreed on before this was the fact that they need more vacation days? Priorities, right?.
• Headline: New Federal Law May Leave Many Rural Teachers Behind. Impact: The new federal law left rural teachers in a lurch, which inadvertently sparked a massive migration of educators to urban areas, leading to an explosion of hipster coffee shops. Who knew teaching qualifications could brew such a caffeinated crisis?. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more challenging than getting a teaching degree is explaining to your family why you didn’t become a doctor instead. Spoiler: it's the coffee..