MAY 27, 2003

Full News Archive

• Headline: Military Trust Surge Among Baby Boomers' Children. Impact: As trust in the military soared among Baby Boomers' children, it set off a chain reaction: future generations began believing they could solve all problems with a good ol' military intervention. Who knew that an increase in trust would lead to a global obsession with drones and hashtags like #FreedomFighter?. Fact: Did you know that the military's PR department has more spin than a politician at a debate? It's almost like they were taking notes from the Baby Boomers on how to sell a narrative..
• Headline: Congo War Casualties Rise Dramatically. Impact: The Congo War massacre set the stage for a global outcry that would mostly result in social media hashtags and a few donated dollars, but not much actual change. It’s like the world collectively shrugged, thinking, 'That’s a shame,' while planning their next vacation.. Fact: Fun fact: The Congo has more natural resources than you can shake a stick at, yet it seems that the only thing it consistently produces is tragedy. Talk about a bad luck streak!.
• Headline: Evangelicals Challenge Islam in Grove City. Impact: The evangelical push to convert Muslims led to a delightful game of religious whack-a-mole, where every action sparked a counteraction. Little did they know, this would eventually lead to some of the most ridiculous debates in modern discourse, complete with 'faith-off' competitions.. Fact: Did you know that trying to convert someone by calling their faith 'evil' is like trying to sell ice to an Eskimo? Spoiler: It rarely works, and usually just leads to awkward conversations over dinner..