APRIL 17, 2003

Full News Archive

• Headline: Jordan's Disillusionment with Young Players. Impact: Michael Jordan's inability to connect with the younger generation sparked a worldwide trend of older athletes starting 'How to Relate to Kids' seminars. Spoiler alert: none of them went well.. Fact: Did you know that Michael Jordan once attempted to teach his Wizards teammates about the 'good old days'? All they wanted to know was if he could still dunk..
• Headline: Russia's Pipeline Financing Overview. Impact: The financing of Russian pipelines led to a chain reaction of geopolitical tension, which eventually resulted in a global obsession with power points and spreadsheets. Thanks, Russia!. Fact: Did you know that pipeline financing is basically just a fancy way of saying 'let's make money while pretending to care about the environment'?.
• Headline: World Business Briefing | Europe: The Netherlands: Drug Maker's Profit Falls. Impact: The decline of the drug maker's profits led to a historic surge in the underground pharmaceutical market, spawning a new generation of 'entrepreneurs' who thought they could outsmart the system. They couldn't.. Fact: Did you know that when drug profits fall, the only side effects are increased memes about 'Big Pharma'?.
• Headline: An Art Center Left in Ashes. Impact: The destruction of Baghdad's art treasures not only robbed the city of its cultural identity but also sparked a global movement to 'Save Our Art,' leading to the rise of overpriced art auctions and hipster galleries everywhere.. Fact: Did you know that looters often consider themselves 'art connoisseurs'? Apparently, stealing a Van Gogh makes you an expert in fine art..