MARCH 30, 2003

Full News Archive

• Headline: Stricter Airport Security Amid Missile Threat. Impact: The stricter airport rules led to the invention of the world's most uncomfortable shoes, as travelers tried to navigate security with an array of bizarre footwear designed to thwart metal detectors. Who knew fashion could be so hazardous?. Fact: Did you know that before these upgrades, airport security primarily consisted of a guy with a wand and a vague sense of authority?.
• Headline: Lisa Marie Presley Launches New Album. Impact: Lisa Marie's new album triggered a chain reaction in the music industry, leading to an influx of celebrity offspring releasing albums. Today, we have a delightful array of 'singer-sons' and 'daughter-duos' that make you question the very fabric of musical talent.. Fact: Did you know that Elvis Presley once had a pet monkey? Because nothing says 'rock royalty' like a primate on your tour bus..
• Headline: Sunday Newsstand Price Increases in NYC. Impact: The price increase led to the rise of the 'newsstand haggler,' a new breed of savvy New Yorker who will negotiate the price of their daily news like it's a used car. You can now see them lurking like vultures outside every Starbucks.. Fact: Fun fact: The cost of a newspaper has increased faster than your average New York rent. So, good luck reading that news without a loan!.
• Headline: Can New York's Plays Get The Middle East?. Impact: These plays sparked a trend of politically charged theater that crossed borders, leading to the rise of the 'angry playwright.' Now, every small theater is a hotbed of revolutionary ideas, and we all know how much people love sitting through three hours of existential dread.. Fact: Did you know that the first recorded play dates back to ancient Greece? And yet, here we are, still writing about the same old struggles in slightly more dramatic ways..
• Headline: From a Bar Stool, Same News as Last Week. Impact: The reactions from patrons at the Yankee Tavern inspired a new genre of 'barstool philosophy' that led to the invention of the 'Complaining Pint,' a beer brewed specifically for people who want to drown their sorrows while debating world issues.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'barstool philosopher' was actually coined in the Bronx? Nothing says deep thought like a lukewarm beer and a side of wings..