MARCH 16, 2003

Full News Archive

• Headline: Revolutionizing Power: The Fuel Cell Breakthrough. Impact: If fuel cells had been commercially viable back then, we might have avoided the endless debates over battery recycling. Instead, we could be having heated discussions about the merits of hydrogen-flavored energy drinks. Thanks, 21st century!. Fact: Did you know that while everyone was busy testing fuel cells, the real breakthrough was just waiting for someone to invent a charger that doesn't look like an octopus?.
• Headline: Iraq War Crimes Trials Announced. Impact: Identifying war criminals before they're even tried? That's like giving a heads-up to a cat that you're about to close the fridge door. It sets the stage for a whole lot of drama and a few too many conspiracy theories down the line.. Fact: Did you know that naming war criminals is like announcing the cast for a reality TV show? Everyone's curious, but the finale rarely ends well..
• Headline: Laughter, the Best Weapon. Impact: Political satire as a weapon? Well, if only laughter could actually change policy! But alas, the politicians are still too busy ignoring the jokes to notice the punchlines.. Fact: Did you know that laughter not only burns calories but also provides a great excuse for dodging uncomfortable conversations about politics? Win-win!.
• Headline: Anger on Iraq Seen as New Qaeda Recruiting Tool. Impact: Recruitment based on anger? It's like the world's worst marketing strategy. But hey, if anger sells, might as well open a franchise! Expect an 'Anger is Our Brand' campaign in a future near you.. Fact: Did you know that if you combined all the anger from these recruitment efforts, you'd have enough energy to power a small continent? Too bad it doesn’t come with a manual for peaceful resolution..