MARCH 7, 2003

Full News Archive

• Headline: J.P. Morgan Chase Dismisses Two Bankers. Impact: The firings at J.P. Morgan Chase set off a chain reaction of HR policies that ultimately resulted in mandatory sensitivity training for all bankers, leading to an explosion of awkward group hugs—truly a win for humanity!. Fact: Did you know that the term 'investment banker' is just a fancy way of saying 'professional risk-taker'? And sometimes, the biggest risk is just being decent to your coworkers..
• Headline: Insurer Dividend Cuts in The Netherlands. Impact: The insurer cutting dividends may have seemed trivial, but it sparked a movement among other companies, leading to a decade of 'dividend austerity' that eventually resulted in the creation of the world's first 'Dividend-Free Zone'—a utopia where profits are merely a suggestion.. Fact: Did you know that in financial circles, 'cutting dividends' is just a euphemism for 'we don't want to share the wealth'? Sounds like a party I want to attend..
• Headline: With Kidd In Town, Point Guard Lifts Spurs. Impact: The Spurs’ victory over the Nets set off a chain reaction of sports fandom that eventually led to the rise of a cult dedicated to believing that this game was the turning point for all future basketball strategies—who knew a point guard could shape the course of history?. Fact: Did you know that basketball was originally played with a soccer ball and peach baskets? Seems like the Spurs were just evolving from a game of fruit collection!.