FEBRUARY 2, 2003

Full News Archive

• Headline: UConn Ends Duke's Undefeated Streak. Impact: Had Duke won this game, they might have developed a complex where they believed they were invincible, leading to an eventual takeover of college basketball, and quite possibly, world domination through sports. Luckily, UConn's victory kept the balance of power in check, allowing for a future where we still have pizza and Netflix.. Fact: Duke's loss was so shocking that it led to an emergency meeting of college basketball coaches who secretly plotted to ban UConn from ever winning again—spoiler alert: it didn’t work..
• Headline: Confronting Racism in English Soccer. Impact: The fight against racism in soccer sparked a global movement. Who knew that a bunch of rowdy fans shouting at players could lead to nationwide campaigns, policy changes, and an awkwardly long discussion about the proper etiquette for yelling at strangers?. Fact: Racism in soccer is so persistent that it might as well have its own fan club. Membership includes a free pair of socks and a lifetime supply of denial..
• Headline: The Art of Digital Retouching. Impact: Pascal Dangin’s work in digital retouching may have led to an explosion of unrealistic beauty standards, creating a world where people think they can achieve the 'Instagram look' with just a filter and a prayer. Thanks, Pascal! We really needed that.. Fact: Digital retouching has come so far that if you look up 'before' and 'after' pictures of some celebrities, you might wonder if they had a prior life as a potato..
• Headline: How a D (for Dyslexia) Pupil Rose to Realty's A-List. Impact: Barbara Corcoran's rise in real estate might have inspired countless others with learning disabilities to believe they too could sell overpriced shoeboxes in New York City, leading to a boom in questionable real estate practices and an increase in 'luxury' apartments that are just closets with windows.. Fact: Barbara once claimed she could sell ice to an Eskimo—though she later clarified that it would probably be overpriced and advertised as 'artisanal glacier ice.'.
• Headline: Once Again, Spaceflight's Hometown Loses Its Heroes. Impact: The loss of the Columbia shuttle had a profound effect on the space community, leading to a collective realization that astronauts are, in fact, human beings with feelings. This revelation likely inspired a wave of future space missions dedicated to emotional well-being, or at the very least, better therapy options for astronauts.. Fact: The Columbia disaster reminded us all that space exploration is risky business—much like trying to order a salad at a burger joint: you might end up with more than you bargained for..