JANUARY 12, 2003

Full News Archive

• Headline: Powerful Engines' Showcase in Detroit. Impact: The roaring engines at the auto show inspired a generation of thrill-seekers to believe fuel efficiency was a conspiracy to control their happiness. This led to an underground movement where people modified their cars to be louder than their exes' excuses.. Fact: Did you know that the loudest car ever recorded was a modified 1999 Dodge Neon? Yeah, the same car that also has the distinction of being the most 'why did I buy this?' vehicle ever..
• Headline: Marrying Friends: A Growing Trend. Impact: Choosing friends to officiate weddings instead of professionals caused a ripple effect that resulted in a boom in backyard ceremonies, complete with BBQs and questionable vows. This led to the invention of the 'friendship officiant' degree, which is now a hot commodity.. Fact: Did you know that marrying your best friend is statistically more successful? Just kidding, that’s not true, but at least you’ll have someone to blame when the cake goes missing..
• Headline: California Waves; A Collection Of West Coast Bands Are Re-energizing Hard Rock. Impact: The resurgence of hard rock from California not only revived the genre but also caused a significant increase in leather jacket sales. This created a national crisis of identity as countless individuals tried to figure out if they were more 'rock star' or 'dad at a barbecue.'. Fact: Did you know that Audioslave was actually a supergroup formed from the ashes of Rage Against the Machine? Talk about a musical phoenix rising from the ashes of your favorite angst-filled memories..