DECEMBER 8, 2002

Full News Archive

• Headline: Bush's Economic Team Overhaul. Impact: The reshuffling of Bush's economic team led to a series of questionable tax policies, which ultimately resulted in a new generation of economists who specialize in creating charts that look impressive but mean absolutely nothing. These charts inspired a whole new genre of meme.. Fact: Fun fact: Tax cuts are like a diet fad—everyone pretends they work, but in the end, you're just left hungry for something real..
• Headline: Ford's Goldman Connection Uncovered. Impact: The cozy relationship between Ford and Goldman Sachs helped usher in a new era of corporate cronyism, where Wall Street and Detroit danced a lovely waltz, contributing to the economic bubble that would eventually burst. But hey, at least they had a good time until the music stopped.. Fact: Did you know that the Ford family actually invented the term 'too big to fail'? It was a family motto long before it was a banking policy!.
• Headline: Using Synonyms for Race, College Strives for Diversity. Impact: Rice University's creative admission tactics have inspired a plethora of other universities to adopt similarly convoluted methods in an attempt to fulfill diversity quotas. In the future, this led to the creation of a new major: 'Creative Admissions Tactics,' focusing on how to make the whole process sound fancy while doing the exact opposite.. Fact: Did you know that 'diversity' is just an academic term for 'please don’t sue us'? Yeah, welcome to higher education!.
• Headline: Giving More Puccini To the People. Impact: Baz Luhrmann bringing opera to Broadway created a ripple effect, leading to a bizarre future where every classic story is reimagined as a musical. Imagine 'Moby Dick: The Musical'—it’s not just a whale of a tale, it’s a Broadway hit!. Fact: Fun fact: The last person who tried to give opera a makeover ended up in a tragic love story that was way too dramatic—oh wait, that’s just every opera ever!.