DECEMBER 1, 2002

Full News Archive

• Headline: Influential Mentor to Bush's Economists. Impact: If only Feldstein had advised Bush to invest in unicorn startups instead of tax cuts, we might have avoided the 2008 crisis entirely. But hey, who needs foresight when you can have a solid academic pedigree?. Fact: Martin S Feldstein once said, 'Economics is like a magician's trick; the real magic is making the blame disappear when things go wrong.'.
• Headline: The Art of Church Hats by Shellie McDowell. Impact: Shellie McDowell’s hats sparked a revolution in church fashion, leading to an unforeseen rise in sassy hat debates and social media influencers becoming 'hatfluencers.' Who knew headwear could cause such a stir?. Fact: In a world where hats speak louder than words, McDowell's designs have been known to cause spontaneous praise, envy, and sometimes even holy blessings—talk about a divine accessory!.
• Headline: Bloomberg's Budget: A Tale of Two Cities. Impact: The budget gap created a ripple effect where the rich got richer and the poor... well, they just got poorer. This could lead to a future where the city is filled with millionaires in high rises and a few brave souls living in cardboard boxes in Central Park.. Fact: Mayor Bloomberg once proposed a tax on coffee cups. Because if you're going to squeeze the poor, you might as well do it with caffeine!.
• Headline: Doomed Love, Arias and a Noble Clip-Clop. Impact: Casco’s legendary status at the Metropolitan Opera has likely inspired countless future equestrian operas, leading to a bizarre genre where horses become the main stars and opera singers are merely their backup dancers.. Fact: Casco, the horse, probably has a better Instagram following than most human opera singers. Because let's be honest—who wouldn't want to see a horse in a dramatic aria?.
• Headline: Unemployment Docket: David v. Goliath. Impact: This legal aid initiative could eventually lead to a world where every employee knows their rights and starts carrying law books instead of lunch boxes to work. The revolution starts with a well-prepared worker!. Fact: The Workers Defense League probably has a secret handbook titled 'How to Win Unemployment Hearings: The Art of Not Crying in Front of the Judge.'.