NOVEMBER 27, 2002

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mets React to Glavine's Surprising Offer. Impact: Had Glavine accepted a lower offer, the Mets might have become the dynasty of the 2000s. Instead, they floundered, and the butterfly effect led to an alternate universe where New York fans actually enjoy baseball.. Fact: Did you know that $45 million for four years seemed like a lot back then? Now we just pay players in Bitcoin and vintage Pokemon cards..
• Headline: Telecommunications Leadership Turmoil in Britain. Impact: The resignation of Nash led to a chain reaction of corporate shake-ups, resulting in every CEO in Britain suddenly wanting to become a social media influencer instead. The ripple effect? A lot of confused shareholders and viral TikTok dances.. Fact: Fun fact: In corporate speak, 'quit' actually means 'I found a better job, but thanks for the free coffee and stress!'.
• Headline: Their Love Will Go On In Outer Space. Impact: This film's attempt to merge highbrow sci-fi with sentimental romance created a timeline where every subsequent movie features a space romance, leading to a universe where even aliens are swiping right on Tinder.. Fact: Did you know that George Clooney was so good in this film, he actually convinced people that love could exist in the vacuum of space? Spoiler: It can't, but it does make for great screenplays!.
• Headline: From the Front, a Corner of Hell That Is Forever Lyrical. Impact: The exhibition's focus on WWI poets ensured that future generations would remember the horrors of war through a lens of deep, existential angst. Who knew that angst would lead to every millennial's favorite pastime: writing sad poetry in coffee shops?. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more tragic than a poet in war is a poet trying to get published? They say the pen is mightier than the sword, but it sure doesn't help with student loans..