SEPTEMBER 6, 2002

Full News Archive

• Headline: US Basketball Team's Stunning Championship Exit. Impact: The U.S. losing to Yugoslavia in basketball was the moment when Americans collectively decided to blame their failure on 'not enough donuts' instead of skill. This marked the beginning of the era of fast food blaming sports losses.. Fact: Did you know that 'basketball' was initially invented as a way to keep kids indoors? If only they had lost at dodgeball, maybe the world would be a much safer place!.
• Headline: ABB CEO Resignation Sparks Leadership Change. Impact: Jorgen Centerman's resignation set off a chain reaction that led to countless boardroom meetings where executives realized it was easier to just change the name on the door than to actually fix any problems. A true corporate legacy.. Fact: Did you know that resignations in corporate America often lead to more confusion than clarity? It's like a game of musical chairs where no one really knows why the music stopped!.
• Headline: AFGHAN PRESIDENT ESCAPES BULLETS; 25 KILLED BY BOMB. Impact: Hamid Karzai escaping an assassination attempt led to a surge in the popularity of bodyguards, meaning that soon, everyone in Kabul wanted a personal security detail. Even the local baker had more bodyguards than the president.. Fact: Did you know that being a bodyguard is one of the most stressful jobs in the world? Especially when your client is the president who seems to have a knack for attracting trouble!.
• Headline: G.E. Expenses For Ex-Chief Cited in Filing. Impact: John F. Welch Jr.'s extravagant divorce filings opened the floodgates for future executives to treat their breakups like a financial circus, leading to the emergence of 'divorce consultants' who specialize in asset hoarding.. Fact: Did you know that GE's motto could easily have been 'We bring good things to life'... until it comes to personal relationships? Then it’s more like 'We bring expensive lawyers to life!'.