SEPTEMBER 5, 2002

Full News Archive

• Headline: Australia Maintains Interest Rate at 4.75%. Impact: By keeping the rates unchanged, the Reserve Bank of Australia inadvertently gave birth to a new generation of frugal Australians who perfected the art of home-brewed coffee, leading to a global coffee revolution where baristas now charge $10 for a cup of 'artisan brewed' mud. Fact: Did you know that 4.75% is also the percentage of Australians who can pronounce 'aluminium' correctly? It's a real linguistic crisis!.
• Headline: Nintendo Partners with Bandai for New Games. Impact: The launch of new games for Nintendo led to a sudden spike in couch potatoism, which ultimately resulted in the invention of remote-control weight loss programs—because who really wants to get up to change the game?. Fact: Fun fact: Nintendo originally planned to release a game where players could catch actual Pokémon in real life, but they realized that would require actual exercise, which was just too much effort.
• Headline: More Visitors, Less Spending In New York. Impact: With more visitors but less spending, New York became the trendsetter for 'cheap tourism'—the art of visiting without actually contributing anything to the economy, a skill now practiced worldwide. Fact: Did you know that New York City’s tourism slogan is 'Hey, at least we’re not bankrupt yet!'? They really know how to sell themselves.
• Headline: World Business Briefing | Europe: Belgium: Brewer's Profit Down. Impact: Interbrew's profit drop set off a chain reaction in the beer industry, leading to the rise of craft breweries. Little did they know that this would eventually lead to hipsters paying $20 for a beer that tastes like regret. Fact: Fun fact: In Belgium, there are more breweries than there are days in the year. That's right, folks, they take their brewing seriously!.