AUGUST 24, 2002

Full News Archive

• Headline: Celebrating Tradition at Saratoga Races. Impact: The Travers Stakes became the Glastonbury of horse racing, leading to an unending cycle of families bonding over overpriced drinks and questionable betting strategies. In a bizarre twist, one of these family reunions eventually inspired a reality show about horse whisperers, which, shockingly, flopped.. Fact: Did you know that horse racing is the only sport where people get more excited about the horses than the actual race? Talk about a case of equine envy!.
• Headline: Insurers Withdraw Coverage for 15-Passenger Vans. Impact: This insurance decision resulted in a mass exodus of families from church activities to more dangerous hobbies like extreme ironing and competitive pumpkin carving, creating a generation of thrill-seekers with a penchant for bad decisions.. Fact: Fun fact: 15-passenger vans were actually invented as a way to transport large groups of people who enjoy discomfort and questionable safety standards. You're welcome!.
• Headline: Rangers' Home Run Barrage Overcomes Yankees. Impact: The Rangers' victory over Mussina inadvertently sparked a rivalry that led to the creation of a popular meme culture around baseball players' hairstyles, which ultimately resulted in a worldwide shortage of hair gel.. Fact: Did you know that the Texas Rangers were once a law enforcement agency? Now they’re just a team that makes criminals out of baseballs instead of people!.
• Headline: AT&T Is Asked For Information On Dealings With Salomon. Impact: The AT&T subpoena led to an epic game of corporate hot potato that ultimately resulted in the invention of the 'never-ending phone tree', which is still torturing customers to this day.. Fact: Did you know that AT&T stands for 'Always Trying to Taxpayers'? Okay, I made that up, but it feels true, right?.
• Headline: Politics in Moscow More Dagger Than Cloak. Impact: As political figures in Russia began disappearing, it sparked a trend in secretive meetings and backdoor alliances that eventually inspired a popular board game called 'Moscow Mayhem', where players dodge assassins while trying to keep their seats.. Fact: Fun fact: In Russia, the only thing more dangerous than politics is trying to understand it. Good luck with that!.