JUNE 20, 2002

Full News Archive

• Headline: Russia's Move to Dismantle Collective Farms. Impact: By dismantling collective farms, Russia inadvertently set off a culinary revolution that led to the rise of hipster borscht cafes in Brooklyn. Who knew the fate of beet soup could alter the course of American dining?. Fact: Ironically, the only thing more complex than Russian agricultural policies is trying to pronounce 'kolkhoz' correctly..
• Headline: OpenOffice: A Free Software Revolution. Impact: The rise of free office software sparked a global war among tech companies, leading to the invention of overpriced coffee machines in corporate offices everywhere. Thanks, OpenOffice, for making us all more caffeinated!. Fact: OpenOffice was originally created in the hopes of making people less dependent on Microsoft. Turns out, it just made them dependent on bad coffee instead..
• Headline: Jerusalem Bombing and Military Response. Impact: This tragic event fueled an endless cycle of violence and retaliation, ultimately leading to countless political debates in international forums where people conveniently forget to bring up actual solutions. Who says history doesn’t repeat itself?. Fact: The irony here is that the term 'peace talks' has become synonymous with 'let's sit around and pretend we’re making progress.'.
• Headline: Goldman Profits in Sale of Korean Bank Stake. Impact: Goldman's sale of Kookmin Bank shares not only made them richer but also unintentionally inspired a trend of 'buy low, sell high' which is now a common phrase among every wannabe financial guru on Instagram. Thanks a lot, Goldman!. Fact: Kookmin Bank was so cash-strapped at one point, they considered selling ad space on their ATM machines. Because who doesn't want to withdraw cash while getting bombarded by ads?.