APRIL 28, 2002

Full News Archive

• Headline: Williamsburg's Housing Boom and Rising Costs. Impact: The gentrification of Williamsburg led to a ripple effect across Brooklyn, prompting a modern-day gold rush where hipsters and tech bros battle for the last artisanal avocado toast. This eventually resulted in a nationwide avocado shortage, causing a rise in black-market guacamole.. Fact: Did you know that 'affordable housing' in Williamsburg is just a euphemism for 'you can live here if you sell a kidney or two'?.
• Headline: Libertinism Revival in Parisian Clubs. Impact: This revival of libertinism in Parisian clubs created a new wave of free-spirited travelers who mistook the phrase 'What happens in Paris, stays in Paris' for 'Make sure to tweet about it.' This led to the invention of the selfie stick, forever altering the landscape of human interaction.. Fact: Did you know that the French have a word for everything? Except, apparently, for the concept of 'keeping it private.'.
• Headline: Farmer Mac's Controversial Financial Practices. Impact: The scandal at Farmer Mac sent shockwaves through the agricultural community, resulting in a nationwide crisis of confidence. Farmers began to think that growing crops was just a front for a new reality show about financial mismanagement, leading to a spike in reality TV viewership and an entire generation convinced that farming is a game.. Fact: Did you know that 'Farmer Mac' sounds like a friendly mascot for a farm-themed fast food joint? Spoiler: it’s not..
• Headline: Pick One. Impact: The battle between private and public schools led to a mass exodus of parents trying to one-up each other with their children's educational choices. This eventually resulted in a new Olympic sport: 'Competitive Parenting,' where the winners receive trophies made of organic, gluten-free materials.. Fact: Did you know that in New York City, choosing a school is as stressful as picking a life partner? Good luck with that!.
• Headline: Lowe No-Hits the Devil Rays, And Tames the Green Monster. Impact: Derek Lowe’s no-hitter against the Devil Rays sparked an unexpected trend of aspiring pitchers everywhere believing they could achieve the same feat, leading to an increase in baseball injuries and the development of a new therapy: 'Pitching therapy' for delusional athletes.. Fact: Did you know that the Green Monster is actually a well-guarded secret? It’s just a giant wall of jealousy at Fenway Park, wishing it could play too..