MARCH 13, 2002

Full News Archive

• Headline: Resurgence of Fine Madeira Wines. Impact: If only Madeira wines had stayed in the kitchens, perhaps the 2008 financial crisis would have been averted. Who knew a sip of wine could lead to a string of questionable investments and a love for overpriced box wine?. Fact: Did you know that Madeira wine can survive a nuclear apocalypse? Just kidding, but it does age remarkably well, unlike your average bottle of wine that gets dumped after a week..
• Headline: WorldCom's Financial Collapse Explained. Impact: The WorldCom scandal sparked a chain reaction that led to Sarbanes-Oxley regulations, which ensured that future CEOs couldn't just go on wild spending sprees funded by imaginary profits. Thanks, WorldCom, for saving our wallets!. Fact: Did you know that WorldCom's CEO once claimed to be a 'numbers wizard'? Ironically, he conjured up a lot of 'disappearing' profits instead..
• Headline: U.N. Chief Tells Israel It Must End 'Illegal Occupation'. Impact: Kofi Annan's call for Israel to end its 'illegal occupation' was like throwing a match into a forest fire. The ripples of this statement have reverberated through decades of geopolitical turmoil. Let's hope he had a fire extinguisher handy.. Fact: Did you know that calling for peace in the Middle East is almost as popular as suggesting pineapple on pizza? Both get you some heated discussions, but only one might lead to a pizza party..
• Headline: World Business Briefing | Europe: Germany: Lufthansa's Income Is Down. Impact: Lufthansa's financial woes in 2001 were a harbinger of economic turbulence to come. If only their executives had listened to the little voice in their heads saying, 'Maybe don't spend that money on fancy ads for an unprofitable airline!'. Fact: Did you know that Lufthansa's planes are known as flying coffins in financial circles? Just kidding, they’re perfectly safe—unless you count the financial decisions..