MARCH 6, 2002

Full News Archive

• Headline: UConn Dominates Big East Final Again. Impact: Had UConn lost this game, the entire landscape of women’s college basketball might have shifted. Imagine a world where Boston College was the powerhouse, leading to a bizarre alternate reality where everyone wears maroon and gold instead of blue and white. What a nightmare.. Fact: Did you know that UConn's dominance in women's basketball is so strong, they could probably beat most men's teams? But hey, let's keep pretending there's no double standard in sports..
• Headline: Discover Authentic Spanish Chorizo in America. Impact: The introduction of authentic Spanish chorizo into American cuisine sparked a culinary revolution. This led to the rise of hipster food trucks and a nationwide obsession with artisanal sausage. Who knew a sausage could change the world?. Fact: Did you know that chorizo is so good, it could probably broker peace treaties? I mean, who can argue while munching on spicy sausage?.
• Headline: Bristol and ImClone Revise Cancer Drug Venture. Impact: The truce between Bristol-Myers and ImClone may have prevented a catastrophic drug shortage, but let’s be real: it also paved the way for endless corporate mergers, leading to a future where your favorite pharmaceutical company becomes a subsidiary of a snack food conglomerate. Welcome to dystopia!. Fact: Did you know that in the world of pharmaceuticals, 'truce' is just corporate code for 'let’s keep making money together while pretending we care about patients'?.