FEBRUARY 14, 2002

Full News Archive

• Headline: Rogue Trader Scandal Uncovered. Impact: If only John M Rusnak had taken up knitting instead of currency trading, we might have avoided a global financial crisis. Alas, his rogue trades sent shockwaves through banking regulations, leading to a world where everyone now has to read the fine print—and who has time for that?. Fact: Did you know that after losing that $750 million, Rusnak was probably just trying to fund his bank's new 'luxury coffee machine' initiative? Because, obviously, that was the real tragedy here..
• Headline: Chasing Stardom in Connecticut. Impact: The quest for pop stardom in Connecticut led to the rise of social media influencers who now think they can sing. Thanks to Wi, the world now has a million videos of people in their bathrooms trying to hit high notes while their cats judge them.. Fact: Fun fact: The phrase 'Idol Available. Teens Please Apply' is now just a warning sign for parents—'Your kid's going to be insufferable if they get a taste of this.'.
• Headline: Bloomberg's Bold Budget Transparency. Impact: Mayor Bloomberg's budget candor marked the beginning of a long-standing tradition where politicians finally had to face reality, leading to a series of events where citizens expected honesty and transparency. Spoiler alert: they were disappointed.. Fact: Did you know that 'budget reality' is actually just code for 'we have no money for your pet projects'? City Hall's motto: 'Just because we have to say it doesn’t mean you have to like it.'.
• Headline: A Qaeda Leader Is Reported To Plan New Raids on U.S.. Impact: Abu Zubaydah planning new raids was the perfect catalyst for the U.S. to ramp up security measures, which ultimately led to the TSA making air travel an Olympic sport of patience and endurance. Who knew a leader could influence the art of standing in line?. Fact: Fun fact: The word 'security' in airports is just a euphemism for 'let's make everyone miserable for the next hour.'.