JANUARY 26, 2002

Full News Archive

• Headline: Kordell Stewart's Painful Team Transition. Impact: Kordell Stewart's demotion led to a series of events where every time a quarterback was benched, a butterfly flapped its wings, resulting in a massive increase in Fantasy Football participation, thus leading to the eventual rise of sports analytics and an explosion of 'expert' opinions online. Thanks, Kordell.. Fact: Did you know that Kordell Stewart once played a position called 'slash'? It's like the Swiss Army knife of football, which is ironic since he was cut from starting lineup but still managed to be a tool!.
• Headline: U.S. Reviews Enron Contracts Amid Scandal. Impact: The Enron scandal prompted a wave of distrust in corporate America, causing a mass exodus of employees to start their own businesses. This ultimately led to the rise of the 'entrepreneur' as a buzzword, with more people claiming to be CEOs of their own one-person LLCs than actual successful business owners.. Fact: Did you know that Enron's name is often associated with 'energy trading'? It's almost like they were trading trust and integrity for stock prices instead!.
• Headline: Capriati's Epic Australian Open Victory. Impact: Capriati's victory sparked a generation of young female tennis players to take up the sport, leading to a dramatic increase in tennis clothing sales and the invention of more fashionable sweatbands than one could ever dream of. Fashionistas and athletes rejoiced!. Fact: Did you know that Jennifer Capriati's comeback was so inspiring that it became a case study in motivational speeches? Who knew tennis could be so uplifting?.
• Headline: Many Voices, but Little Dialogue On Memorial for Trade Center Site. Impact: The indecision over the memorial site led to endless debates, resulting in policy-makers becoming experts in procrastination. This eventually paved the way for more memorials to be designed by committees that take longer to agree on a color palette than actual plans.. Fact: Did you know that the planning for the Trade Center memorial took so long that some of the original architects were given a membership in the 'Ancient Order of Procrastinators'? They still haven’t met..
• Headline: British Airways And American Cancel Alliance. Impact: The cancellation of the British Airways and American Airlines alliance left the skies open for budget carriers to thrive, leading to an era where people could fly for the price of a cup of coffee—if that coffee had a lot of hidden fees, of course.. Fact: Did you know that British Airways and American Airlines once tried to merge? It’s like a bad romantic comedy where neither side was willing to share their frequent flyer miles..