JANUARY 21, 2002

Full News Archive

• Headline: Port St Lucie’s Economic Boom. Impact: Port St Lucie's economic boom led to a nationwide trend where cities began marketing themselves as 'The Next Big Thing,' resulting in thousands of hipster coffee shops opening in places that hadn't seen a latte since the 90s. Sorry, but your town's now a 'thriving' metropolis with overpriced avocado toast.. Fact: Did you know that Florida is basically a retirement home with a theme park? If you can't find a gator in the golf course, you're definitely not looking hard enough!.
• Headline: BUSINESS DIGEST. Impact: This innocuous 'Business Digest' headline eventually led to a world where people use buzzwords like 'synergy' and 'leverage' at dinner parties. Thanks for ruining casual conversations, unknown columnist!. Fact: Did you know that the only thing less interesting than a business digest is reading the terms and conditions on a website? At least with the latter, you might get a good laugh at the absurdity of it all!.
• Headline: Tight Budgets Force States to Reconsider Crime and Penalties. Impact: This reconsideration of crime and penalties triggered a nationwide debate about justice reform, leading to a series of 'get out of prison free' cards that made Monopoly look like a serious game. Thanks, budget cuts, for turning crime into a board game!. Fact: Did you know that the U.S. has more prisons than colleges? So much for the land of opportunity—guess it’s more like the land of incarceration!.