OCTOBER 17, 2001

Full News Archive

• Headline: Doctors Respond to Anthrax Crisis. Impact: If doctors had never faced the anthrax threat, they might have simply continued practicing medicine as usual. But now, thanks to this panic, we have a generation of doctors who can diagnose a rare disease based on their Google searches, leading to a future where every sneeze is treated like a biohazard.. Fact: Did you know that the word 'anthrax' comes from the Greek word for 'coal'? So, it's basically a disease that sounds as fun as a barbecue gone wrong..
• Headline: New Jitters for London Security Experts. Impact: The jitters in London triggered a chain reaction of paranoia that led to increased security measures everywhere, from airports to your local coffee shop, where baristas now double as security guards. Thanks, London! Enjoy your existential dread.. Fact: Fun fact: London has more CCTV cameras than any other city in the world. So, if you’re looking for privacy, maybe try living in a cave..
• Headline: White House Balks At Further Bailouts. Impact: The White House's refusal to provide further bailouts created a domino effect that led to economic chaos, inspiring a new generation of entrepreneurs who turned to crowdfunding their failed businesses via social media. Thanks for the innovation, government!. Fact: Did you know that 'bailout' is just a fancy political term for 'let’s pretend our problems don’t exist for a little longer'?.
• Headline: More Indications That W.T.O. Will Move Talks to Singapore. Impact: The potential move of the W.T.O. talks to Singapore set off a frenzy of diplomatic maneuverings and backroom deals, resulting in a future where every international conference is held in a tropical paradise, making it hard for anyone to take global trade seriously.. Fact: Fun fact: Singapore is often called the 'Lion City.' So, if the W.T.O. moves their talks there, expect some serious roars about trade agreements!.