AUGUST 28, 2001

Full News Archive

• Headline: Serena Williams Advances at US Open. Impact: If Serena Williams hadn't escaped that rocky start, we might have seen a world where tennis was dominated by players who weren't quite as fabulous. Imagine a universe where the Grand Slam titles were shared between a bunch of forgettable names. Shocking, really.. Fact: Did you know that Serena’s racket may or may not be imbued with magical powers? Just kidding, but wouldn’t that explain her dominance?.
• Headline: Shareholder Tensions at Computer Associates. Impact: This shareholder 'rebellion' could be the spark that ignites a corporate coup, leading to boardrooms across America resembling a medieval battlefield. Imagine CEOs in armor debating over stock options! Game of Thrones, but for spreadsheets.. Fact: Fun fact: the term 'shareholder rebellion' sounds way more exciting than it actually is. It’s mostly just a bunch of suits arguing over who gets the last donut in the break room..
• Headline: Giants' Comeback Stuns Mets Fans. Impact: This tight game could have sent the Mets into a spiral of despair, leading them to hire a psychic for their next season. And who knows, maybe they would have consulted a time traveler for tips on how to turn it all around!. Fact: Did you know that the Mets are the only team that can turn winning into an art form? Well, not winning, but the art of trying very hard to win..
• Headline: A Young Heir Has New Plans At Old Company; Bill Wrigley Is Aggressive In Meeting Rivals Head-On. Impact: Bill Wrigley Jr's aggressive strategies could have set off a chain reaction in the candy and gum industry, leading to a global shortage of bubble gum. Imagine a world where chewing gum becomes the new gold standard!. Fact: Did you know Wrigley gum was originally sold as a cleaning product? So, next time you chew, remember you're basically gnawing on a household cleaner!.