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HEADLINES ON August 18, 2001
Full News Archive
- Headline: Pharmacist Charged with Drug Dilution Scandal. Impact: If only Robert had invested in an honesty app instead of diluting drugs, we might have cured a few more cancers and avoided a future where pharmacists are regarded with the same trust as a used car salesman.. Fact: Did you know that diluting drugs is a great way to make enemies? Just ask the hundreds of cancer patients affected by this pharmacist's 'business strategy.'.
- Headline: Ford Cuts Jobs and Production in 2000. Impact: Ford's decision to cut jobs may have sparked a nationwide trend where companies decided that fewer employees equals more profits, ultimately leading to a future where robots do everything and humans just sit around wondering what went wrong.. Fact: Did you know that in the future, 'job cuts' will be rebranded as 'creative workforce reallocation'? Sounds so much nicer, doesn’t it?.
- Headline: Surprising Leaders at PGA Championship. Impact: Shingo and David's surprising lead in the PGA Championship may have inspired a new generation of golfers to believe that anyone, even those not born into country club privilege, could shatter expectations and maybe even break par.. Fact: Did you know that golf is the only sport where players can legally wear what looks like pajamas while still being considered 'athletes'? Talk about a dream job!.
- Headline: U.S. Appeals Court Rejects Microsoft Request for Delay. Impact: The rejection of Microsoft’s delay request sparked a string of anti-monopoly sentiments, leading to a future where tech giants are scrutinized so heavily that they start offering 'free' services that are anything but free. Thanks, lawyers!. Fact: Did you know that antitrust cases are basically the adult version of 'he started it' on the playground? Only now, the stakes involve billions instead of lunch money..
- Headline: Sports of The Times; Hard Lesson From Negro Leagues. Impact: The recognition of Japanese players in Major League Baseball might have set off a chain reaction of globalizing sports, eventually leading to the day when all sports leagues will be open to intergalactic players—because who wouldn’t want to watch a Martian dunk?. Fact: Did you know that the Negro Leagues were a shining example of athletic talent overshadowed by segregation? If only they had had a time machine to show everyone just how great they were!.
Wall Street Time Machine
AAPL
Apple
Apple - If you invested $1,000 in 2001, it would be worth $1,220,264 today (1220.3x return)