AUGUST 13, 2001

Full News Archive

• Headline: Seattle Opera's Stunning Ring Cycle Review. Impact: Seattle's opera scene embraced Wagner’s Ring cycle, which not only made audiences question their life choices but also inadvertently led to the rise of hipster opera enthusiasts who wouldn’t be caught dead without their vintage glasses and artisan popcorn.. Fact: Did you know that Wagner’s Ring cycle is so long that you could binge-watch an entire season of a Netflix show in the time it takes to finish one performance? Talk about a commitment!.
• Headline: Connecticut's Bold Welfare Reform Success. Impact: Connecticut’s welfare plan was so aggressive that it sent shockwaves through the social services landscape, causing neighboring states to reconsider their own policies and accidentally prompting a nationwide trend of 'Let’s pretend we care about the needy' while slashing budgets everywhere.. Fact: Did you know that cutting welfare programs is like giving a toddler a lollipop and then taking it away? Everyone gets upset, but the toddler is just left confused and crying..
• Headline: STATES DISMAYED BY FEDERAL BILLS ON PATIENT RIGHTS. Impact: The federal bill on patient rights sparked a wave of confusion that could only be rivaled by people trying to understand the plot of 'Inception.' States began to question whether they were actually in charge or just puppets in Congress's grand legislative puppet show.. Fact: Did you know that Congress's idea of 'patient rights' is about as clear as mud? Just wait until you see the fine print—there's more loopholes than a Swiss cheese factory!.