JULY 25, 2001

Full News Archive

• Headline: Cultural Events and Strikes in Greece. Impact: When the Acropolis was closed, it triggered an underground movement of amateur archaeologists who believed they could 'reopen' it by performing interpretive dance in the streets. This bizarre trend eventually led to the establishment of a new dance form: 'Ancient Ruin Groove.'. Fact: In an ironic twist, the Acropolis has been closed more times than your average coffee shop during a hipster latte art competition..
• Headline: Two Paths: Lawyer and Minister. Impact: Angela Williams's speech blunder set off a nationwide trend where professionals began introducing themselves with increasingly absurd titles. This eventually led to the rise of 'Chief Happiness Officers' who specialize in administering high-fives.. Fact: If only Angela had embraced her newfound identity as a Baptist minister, she could have started a side gig offering 'legal advice with a side of salvation.'.
• Headline: The Allure of Caipirinhas. Impact: R W Apple's enthusiastic praise of caipirinhas led to the Great Brazilian Beverage Boom of the early 2000s, where every barista suddenly believed they were a mixologist and started serving 'hand-crafted artisanal caipirinhas' made with organic kale.. Fact: The only thing more refreshing than a caipirinha is the realization that you can never have just one—unless you're on a diet, in which case, good luck with that!.
• Headline: Merrill Picks Heir Apparent To Top Job. Impact: E Stanley O'Neal's ascension at Merrill Lynch sparked a corporate trend of naming successors based on how cool their first name sounds. This led to a bizarre era of companies hiring executives named 'Zypher' and 'Mystique.'. Fact: Congratulations, E Stanley O'Neal! You're now the latest entry in the long list of 'People Who Will Probably Get Blamed When the Market Crashes.'.
• Headline: The Therapeutic Listener. Impact: The psychologist's candid conversation with the AIDS patient started a global movement for more heartfelt communication in healthcare. Unfortunately, it also led to an avalanche of 'therapeutic food critiques' that confused chefs everywhere.. Fact: It turns out that the best therapy isn’t just listening, but also humor—especially when discussing hospital food, which often leaves much to be desired..