JULY 20, 2001

Full News Archive

• Headline: Oil Sales Surge in Australia Q2. Impact: If Woodside Petroleum hadn't sold all that oil, the global energy crisis might have hit just a little earlier, forcing everyone to ride bicycles or invent a new way to power their homes using nothing but optimism and recycled dreams.. Fact: Oil sales are up! Because who doesn't want to pay an arm and a leg to fuel their cars while simultaneously contributing to climate change?.
• Headline: Montgomerie Takes Lead at British Open. Impact: Colin Montgomerie's lead in the British Open sent shockwaves through the golf world, inspiring a generation of weekend warriors to pick up clubs, leading to an unprecedented rise in knee injuries among the unathletic.. Fact: Colin Montgomerie is a Scottish golfer known for his impressive swing and an ability to make golf look more exciting than watching paint dry..
• Headline: School Construction Cost Overruns Unveiled. Impact: The school construction authority's inability to manage costs paved the way for future generations of students to enjoy the thrill of learning in dilapidated buildings, fostering a love for history through the study of crumbling infrastructure.. Fact: Did you know that budgeting is like trying to fit a giraffe into a Volkswagen? Spoiler alert: It just doesn't work..
• Headline: Forget the Tour Bus; Stay a Night; Hotels Are Signing Up to Join the Harlem Renaissance. Impact: The revival of Harlem as a tourist hotspot inadvertently led to an increase in overpriced artisanal coffee shops and a surge in hipsters trying to out-‘cool’ each other by claiming they’ve ‘always loved jazz.’. Fact: Harlem Renaissance? More like 'Harlem Resurgence of People Who Want to Take Instagram Photos in Front of Murals.'.
• Headline: World Business Briefing | Asia: South Korea: Big Loss At Chip Maker. Impact: Hynix's massive losses in the chip market were a wake-up call, leading tech companies to adopt the motto 'if at first you don't succeed, blame the global chip shortage and raise prices'—a strategy that has proven effective ever since.. Fact: Hynix Semiconductor: the company that makes you appreciate your toaster's functionality just a little more when it suddenly becomes a luxury item..