JULY 18, 2001

Full News Archive

• Headline: Asbury Park Violence Sparks Police Investigation. Impact: The chaos in Asbury Park led to an increase in anti-crime legislation, which ironically resulted in more overzealous policing. This meant that the next generation of revelers had to endure sobriety checkpoints that felt like they were at the DMV, all while thinking, 'What happened to just having fun?'. Fact: Did you know that in some alternate timeline, the revelers fought back with water balloons and glitter bombs, leading to an entirely new subculture of peaceful protest parties? Yeah, me neither..
• Headline: Australian Law Firm Sues Airlines Over Illness. Impact: The lawsuit against airlines over blood clots led to a worldwide panic about flying, resulting in an unexpected boom in the bubble-wrap industry. People started wrapping themselves before boarding planes, which led to an increase in in-flight entertainment options, as passengers struggled to navigate the aisles.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'clot' used to refer to a group of chickens before it became synonymous with flying ailments? Talk about a fowl transformation!.
• Headline: Our Towns; Stripped And Searched, Even at Age 13. Impact: The strip-searching suit prompted a nationwide conversation about juvenile rights, resulting in a series of awkward discussions at family dinners where grandparents thought they were talking about the benefits of skinny jeans.. Fact: Did you know that strip-searching has been linked to the popularity of baggy pants? One can only hope that less invasive practices lead to a resurgence of stylish clothing choices for the youth!.
• Headline: In Japan, A Steak Secret To Rival Kobe. Impact: The Matsuzaka beef hype led to an international beef rivalry that escalated to the point where cows were trained to compete in culinary competitions. This resulted in a new Olympic sport: Cow Cuisine, where chefs had to impress judges while their cows looked on with disdain.. Fact: Did you know that Matsuzaka beef was once known for its ability to win over the hearts of cows everywhere? The secret ingredient? A touch of cow-flattery, of course..