JULY 17, 2001

Full News Archive

• Headline: Choreographers Explore The Seven Deadly Sins. Impact: One of the choreographers accidentally invokes a dance-off between angels and demons, causing a rift in the fabric of reality and prompting a new dance trend among celestial beings. This ultimately leads to the creation of the 'Heavenly Hustle' workout video series.. Fact: Apparently, sin is a popular theme in dance. Who knew guilt could be so graceful?.
• Headline: Yankees Maintain Lead with Key Victory. Impact: The Yankees' victory sparks a chain reaction where every baseball fan collectively decides that a winning season is the only way to happiness. This leads to the emergence of extreme baseball therapy—requiring therapists to wear team jerseys.. Fact: The Yankees are like that overachieving sibling that always gets straight A's and steals the spotlight. No wonder everyone else is in therapy!.
• Headline: Clever Wiring Harnesses Tiny Switches. Impact: This groundbreaking research leads to the creation of a tiny switch that, when pressed, activates the world's tiniest dance party. Unfortunately, the party is so small that no one can find it.. Fact: Molecular electronics: because who doesn't want their devices to be as small and unreliable as the excuses you make to avoid social gatherings?.