JUNE 27, 2001

Full News Archive

• Headline: Workplace Speech and the New Policy Movement. Impact: The crackdown on swearing led to a global initiative where all jokes needed to be pre-approved by a compliance officer. This made comedy clubs go extinct, forcing comedians to start performing interpretive dances instead.. Fact: Did you know that the word 'swear' actually comes from the Old English 'swerian,' which literally means 'to bind oneself'—as in, binding yourself to a lifetime of boring office meetings?.
• Headline: New Immigrants Thrive in Strong Job Market. Impact: As immigrants found it easier to fit in, the phrase 'I can't find a job' became the new 'I can't find my keys.' This led to an explosion in the key-finding app market, ironically increasing unemployment rates among app developers.. Fact: Fun fact: Many immigrants have been known to bring their culinary skills with them—so, if you think about it, they literally brought us tacos. You’re welcome!.
• Headline: Cubs and Mets: Role Reversal in Baseball. Impact: The Cubs' rise and the Mets' fall triggered a cosmic imbalance that led to a decade of cursed sports teams. This ultimately resulted in the creation of a new religion based on the worship of sports statistics.. Fact: The Cubs, notorious for their long championship drought, were once believed to be cursed by a goat. Yes, a goat! Talk about a 'baa-d' situation!.
• Headline: Happy to Be Co-Pilot During Labor. Impact: Jonathan Lanzkowsky’s approach to obstetrics inspired a global trend of co-piloting in various professions. Soon, everyone was asking for a co-pilot at work—leading to chaos in the workplace and a surge in coffee consumption.. Fact: Being an obstetrician-gynecologist means you get to witness the miracle of life, but you also need to have the patience of a saint—especially when dealing with the inevitable 'What does this mean?' questions..