APRIL 21, 2001

Full News Archive

• Headline: Punctuation Prowess Under Fire. Impact: Clyde's punctuation crusade sparks a worldwide movement where people start using commas like confetti, leading to a generation of grammarians who can’t stop arguing over whether to include the Oxford comma in their wedding vows.. Fact: Did you know that the average person uses 2.3 commas per day? Just kidding, it's probably more like 0.2 because, you know, punctuation is hard..
• Headline: Police Museum Staff Overhaul Unveiled. Impact: The police museum overhaul leads to a series of events where civilians start demanding to be museum curators in every other city, resulting in a strange trend of 'Civilians Curating Crime' exhibits across the nation.. Fact: Fun fact: The most common reason for anonymous letters is to avoid awkward conversations. You're welcome, future historians!.
• Headline: Vick Will Still Be No. 1, but Not by the Chargers. Impact: Trading Vick to the Falcons leads to a butterfly effect where every team starts making questionable trades based on social media trends, culminating in a future where the best player in the league is a TikTok influencer.. Fact: Did you know that the San Diego Chargers later moved to Los Angeles? Because apparently, they thought they could outrun their bad trade decisions..