APRIL 5, 2001

Full News Archive

• Headline: Masters Tournament Faces Major Changes Ahead. Impact: If the Masters had decided to change the rules for long hitters, we might have ended up with a world where golf is played with pogo sticks instead of clubs. Imagine the chaos of bouncing balls and players in spandex! The sport could have become a circus act rather than a gentleman's game.. Fact: Golf was originally played with a stick and a pebble. So, if they want to change the rules, they might as well bring back the good ol' days and just let everyone use whatever they find on the course!.
• Headline: Braves Edge Mets in Dramatic Ninth Inning. Impact: The Mets' ninth-inning rally being wiped out by a chopper could be seen as a turning point for the entire franchise. Perhaps this was the moment that led to the infamous 'Mets Curse', where every time they think they can win, something ridiculous happens to remind them of their place in the baseball universe.. Fact: The Mets' mascot is named Mr. Met, and yet he seems to have a better grasp on winning than the actual team. Maybe he should start taking the field!.
• Headline: Compass Sells Hotel Chain for Billions. Impact: COMPASS selling hotels might have been the first step towards a future where hotel chains conspire to create 'super hotels' that merge with theme parks. Picture this: a hotel where your bed is a roller coaster and the room service is delivered by animatronic characters. Ah, the dreams of capitalism!. Fact: In 2019, the average hotel room price was around $136 per night. I guess that's probably cheaper than the therapy you'll need after staying in a hotel that doubles as a theme park!.
• Headline: Metro Matters; Danger Signs Amid Progress For Children. Impact: This report on child services could be the subtle nudge that led to the eventual creation of a reality show focusing on child welfare. 'Keeping Up with the Kids' could have been the next big hit, showcasing the ups and downs of social services—because who doesn't want to see the drama unfold?. Fact: In 2018, an estimated 13 million children in the U.S. lived in poverty. It's almost as if the system is a never-ending episode of a tragic sitcom, but without the laugh track..