MARCH 20, 2001

Full News Archive

• Headline: Senate Debates McCain-Feingold Reform Bill. Impact: The debates around McCain's campaign finance reform led to the eventual establishment of a 'Procrastination Fund' for politicians, allowing them to delay decisions indefinitely—because who doesn’t love a good filibuster?. Fact: When John McCain said 'take a risk', he actually meant taking a risk on a game of poker, not on the future of democracy. Spoiler: he lost..
• Headline: NIST Celebrates a Century of Measurement. Impact: The celebration of the National Institute of Standards and Technology's anniversary set off a chain reaction of over-precision in measurements, leading to a world where a millimeter became a universal unit of tension in relationships.. Fact: NIST’s motto should be 'We measure so you don’t have to,' but let's be honest, their budget could probably measure how much coffee it takes to deal with bureaucracy..
• Headline: Pop Festival Gets Back to Basics: Music. Impact: The South by Southwest festival sparked a worldwide revolution in music appreciation, causing a small town in Iowa to declare every Tuesday as 'Experimental Music Day'—which only led to people questioning their life choices.. Fact: Austin's music scene is so trendy that even the local squirrels have indie bands. Just wait until their debut album drops!.
• Headline: SHUTDOWN COSTS EXXON. Impact: Exxon’s financial losses due to the Aceh shutdown inadvertently led to the rise of eco-friendly energy companies, pushing humanity towards renewable resources—though some might say it took a little too long for the light bulb to go off.. Fact: Exxon losing $3.5 million a day is a sobering reminder that even corporations can have bad hair days—just with more zeros on the line..