MARCH 9, 2001

Full News Archive

• Headline: Ambev's Profit Surge in 2000. Impact: Ambev's profitability surge led to a beverage arms race, inspiring future companies to invest heavily in marketing. This ultimately resulted in the rise of absurdly flavored drinks like 'Cucumber-Mint Fizzy Water' that nobody asked for, but everyone drinks anyway, because, why not?. Fact: Did you know that Ambev is actually a portmanteau of 'Am' and 'Beverage'? No? Neither did I, but it sounds good, right?.
• Headline: Santee School Shooting Reopens Suburban Safety Debate. Impact: The Santee shooting catalyzed a nationwide re-evaluation of school safety, leading to an influx of metal detectors in schools and the phrase 'lockdown drills' entering the lexicon of American childhood. Ironically, the only thing more terrifying than a school shooting is the idea of kids being locked in a room with their peers for hours.. Fact: Did you know that the suburb was once considered the golden child of American living? Turns out, it had more skeletons in its closet than a haunted house..
• Headline: Pittsburgh Arranges A Stunning Irish Exit. Impact: Pittsburgh's victory in the Big East tournament sent shockwaves through college basketball, leading to a decade of underdog stories that fueled every sports movie ever made. Spoiler alert: they all end with a triumphant montage and a slow-motion hug.. Fact: Did you know that 'Irish Exit' isn't just a basketball term? It's also my favorite way to leave parties, especially if I find out they serve fruitcake!.