JANUARY 13, 2001

Full News Archive

• Headline: Clinton Administration's Last Stand Against Microsoft. Impact: Had the Clinton administration managed to split Microsoft in two, we might be living in a parallel universe where 'Microsoft' and 'SoftMicrosoft' compete for dominance. Imagine the drama of software rivalry! Or maybe we'd just have a different version of Word that still crashes at the worst possible moment.. Fact: Did you know that if Microsoft were split, Bill Gates might have had to actually learn how to share? Shocking!.
• Headline: Mideast Peace Talks at a Critical Juncture. Impact: If a peace agreement had been reached, it might have sparked a trend where politicians actually listened to negotiators instead of talking past each other. But alas, we saw the 'side issue' trend continue, leading to more side shows and less main events in geopolitics.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more complicated than the Jerusalem issue is trying to explain why some people think pineapple belongs on pizza?.
• Headline: Debate Over Depleted Uranium in Balkans. Impact: This controversy over uranium exposure could have led to a global movement of health-conscious soldiers wearing protective gear, changing military protocols forever. But instead, it just added another layer of skepticism to military practices. Hooray for progress!. Fact: Did you know that depleted uranium is not actually depleted of sarcasm? It’s still full of toxic debates..