DECEMBER 28, 2000

Full News Archive

• Headline: FedEx Announces 4.9% Rate Increase. Impact: The 4.9% increase in FedEx rates led to a nationwide panic among online shoppers. This panic eventually resulted in the invention of the 'Buy It Now' button, which drove e-commerce into overdrive. Little did they know, this would also lead to the rise of people who can't resist midnight shopping sprees.. Fact: Did you know that if you stacked all the FedEx packages shipped in one year, they would reach the moon? Just kidding, but wouldn't that be a sight? FedEx: the original moonshot!.
• Headline: Giants Stay Positive Amidst Key Injuries. Impact: Tiki Barber playing through injury inspired a new trend in sports where players would glorify suffering for the sake of the game, leading to reality TV shows like 'Survivor: NFL Edition,' where players compete not only for touchdowns but also for dramatic injury narratives.. Fact: Did you know that playing through injury is basically the NFL's version of a participation trophy? 'Congrats on your broken arm! Here's your bonus for playing hurt!'.
• Headline: A Foothold In London For Imperial Treasures. Impact: The Hermitage Museum's exhibition in London sparked a wave of art tourism that led to the creation of overpriced selfie sticks in front of famous paintings, which ultimately resulted in the phrase 'art is for everyone' becoming a meme.. Fact: Did you know that Catherine the Great was so influential that she could probably convince a museum to display her collection of spoons? Talk about a legacy!.
• Headline: THE MARKETS: Market Place; As Markets Have Declined, Hedge Funds Have Shown Their Mettle. Impact: Hedge funds thriving during market declines led to the establishment of secret hedge fund societies, where members engage in whispered conversations about short-selling over artisanal coffees, further alienating the average investor.. Fact: Did you know that hedge funds are like the secret clubs of the financial world? You need a password, a secret handshake, and a million-dollar entry fee—perfect for those who like their exclusivity with a side of greed!.