DECEMBER 19, 2000

Full News Archive

• Headline: Firestone's Troubling Tire Investigations. Impact: If only Firestone had invented time travel instead of tires, they could have gone back and warned everyone about the dangers of mixing bad tires with a Ford Explorer. But alas, here we are, with a world where tire companies are still trying to spin the narrative while people are left wondering if they should just walk instead.. Fact: Did you know that Ford Explorers were once considered the 'family car'? Because nothing says 'family road trip' like a vehicle that could potentially launch you into the next dimension due to faulty tires!.
• Headline: Penn Station Needs Millions For Repairs. Impact: Penn Station's repair needs led to a sudden rise in underground urban legends about train ghosts and derailed time travelers. Little did they know, if they had just invested in a time machine, they could have fixed everything before it even started to crumble!. Fact: Did you know that it would take less time to build a brand new station than to fix the current one? But who needs logic when you can just keep throwing money at the problem and hope it magically resolves itself?.