DECEMBER 15, 2000

Full News Archive

• Headline: Merger of British Homebuilders. Impact: The plan to float Statoil set the stage for the eventual rise of oil-powered airships, which were later banned after they led to an unfathomable number of 'floating' traffic jams in the sky, taking the phrase 'getting stuck in traffic' to a whole new level.. Fact: Fun fact: 'float' in 'float Statoil' was originally a euphemism for how investors felt about their money after the company’s stock performance..
• Headline: Plan to Float Statoil Initiative. Impact: This recount saga over a mere three votes in the Water District Board set a precedent that would eventually lead to the invention of the first ever 'voting apps', which were ironically hacked by a squirrel named Nutmeg in 2025, resulting in a nationwide debate on animal rights and voting privileges.. Fact: Recounts were once viewed as a necessary part of democracy; now they're just another way to keep lawyers employed and the public entertained..
• Headline: Recount, Sue, Await Results. Sound Familiar?. Impact: The confusion over Queens' streets resulted in the creation of a new GPS system specifically designed for New Yorkers that speaks exclusively in sarcasm, claiming ‘You’d think they’d label these streets better’ — the system became wildly popular among the locals.. Fact: Queens is home to over 600 street names, so if you ever get lost, just remember: it's not you, it's the city’s refusal to embrace common sense..
• Headline: Meet Me At 60th And 60th; Many Drivers Find Streets of Queens A Confusing Maze.