NOVEMBER 6, 2000

Full News Archive

• Headline: Idealist Voters: A Rarity in Elections. Impact: The quest for the idealist voter has sparked a secret society of cynical voters who now gather in dark alleys, lamenting over the loss of their idealism while sipping overpriced coffee. Their motto? 'Hope is for the naive.'. Fact: Fun fact: Idealists are often spotted in the wild wearing 'Vote for Change' t-shirts while simultaneously complaining about how nothing ever changes. It's a rare sight!.
• Headline: Giants Triumph Over Browns in Simple Style. Impact: The Giants' simple strategy apparently inspired future NFL teams to embrace mediocrity, leading to a golden age of underwhelming football and the rise of couch potatoes everywhere. Thanks, Giants, for giving everyone permission to just 'keep it simple.'. Fact: Did you know that a 24-3 scoreline isn't just a victory? It’s the NFL's way of saying, 'Yeah, we could've tried harder, but why bother?'.
• Headline: A Moroccan Running Like the Wind. Impact: Abdelkhader el-Mouaziz winning the marathon ignited a fierce competition among future runners, leading to a bizarre trend where people began training in odd places, such as on treadmills while simultaneously eating pizza. The ultimate motivation!. Fact: Did you know that running a marathon is just a long, drawn-out way of proving to yourself that you can still outrun your problems? Or at least the pizza truck!.
• Headline: Immigrant, Detained for 3 1/2 Years, Emerges From Labyrinth. Impact: Patrick Mkhizi's release from detention became a rallying point for human rights advocates, eventually leading to a global movement that inspired future generations to ask, 'Wait, we can actually fight for rights? Who knew?'. Fact: It's a little-known fact that the labyrinth of immigration detention is actually a reality show pitch for 'Survivor: INS Edition.' Spoiler alert: the challenges are brutal and the prize is just freedom..