OCTOBER 29, 2000

Full News Archive

• Headline: Historic Congressional Support for Domestic Projects. Impact: This record pace of Congress backing projects at home eventually sparked a national obsession with DIY projects. Fast forward a few decades, and suddenly everyone thinks they can build a deck just by watching a YouTube tutorial. Thanks, Congress, for the Great American DIY Disaster of the 2030s.. Fact: Did you know that Congress's approval ratings are so low, even a record pace of project backing couldn't get them a five-star Yelp review?.
• Headline: Men's Magazines Embrace New Perspectives. Impact: The statement that 'Men Are From Venus' led to a complete rebranding of gender studies in the early 2020s, with countless self-help books insisting on the cosmic differences between men and women. Spoiler alert: it turns out we’re all just from Earth, and the only thing we really have in common is our confusion.. Fact: Fun fact: Venus is actually hotter than a sauna, which might explain why men keep saying they’re from there – they’re just trying to escape reality!.
• Headline: Fruits of Chaos and Model Operas Revival. Impact: The nostalgia for 'Fruits of Chaos' ushered in a new wave of cultural appreciation for chaotic art forms, leading to the rise of chaotic brunches where avocado toast is replaced with avant-garde interpretations of fruit salad. This resulted in the Great Avocado Shortage of 2025.. Fact: Did you know that the Cultural Revolution was so chaotic that even fruit vendors had to adopt a 'survival of the fittest' approach? Talk about pressure!.
• Headline: A Nonbeliever's Plaint: Who Let the Fans Out?. Impact: Rick Martin's lament about sports fans not being able to appreciate the Subway Series led to a decade-long debate about the merits of being a 'sports wimp.' This escalated into a bizarre trend of sports fan competitions, where losers had to wear jerseys of their rival teams in public.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'sports wimp' has been scientifically proven to cause immediate existential crises among fans? Just like the time the New York Knicks lost to the Miami Heat... again..