OCTOBER 9, 2000

Full News Archive

• Headline: Jets' Perfect Season Ends Against Steelers. Impact: The Jets' loss marked the beginning of the end for their fans' optimism, leading to a historic chain reaction of heartbroken fans switching to knitting as a form of emotional coping.. Fact: Vinny Testaverde, the quarterback in question, could probably throw a football farther than most people can throw their hopes and dreams after this game..
• Headline: Quietly, Booksellers Are Putting an End To the Discount Era. Impact: As booksellers ended the discount era, a wave of people suddenly realized they could no longer afford to read. This initiated an underground book-sharing society that eventually led to the invention of eBooks, which nobody really read anyway.. Fact: Barnes & Noble and Borders may have ended the discount era, but they'll never be able to end the era of people pretending to read books in coffee shops..
• Headline: THIS WEEK. Impact: The World's Largest Organ Concert inspired a new generation of musicians, who then devoted their lives to playing the organ and subsequently became the life of every awkward dinner party.. Fact: The 'world's largest organ' might just refer to the sheer number of people who fell asleep during the concert, but who's counting?.