OCTOBER 5, 2000

Full News Archive

• Headline: A Family of Doctors: The Fisher Legacy. Impact: If only the Fisher family had turned to a career in music instead of medicine, we might have had a world where pop songs were about band-aids and stethoscopes instead of heartbreak and betrayal. The ripple effect? A surge in medical-themed pop hits that would change the course of '90s music forever.. Fact: Did you know that having a family full of doctors might actually make you the least fun at parties? Sorry, not sorry!.
• Headline: Reevaluating Police Recruitment Strategies. Impact: In an alternate timeline, the recruitment crisis in the police department leads to the invention of a new superhero: Captain Compliance, who enforces regulations with a gentle smile and an even gentler reprimand. Crime rates plummet as villains are too confused to understand the rules.. Fact: Fun fact: relaxing police recruitment standards is like saying, 'Hey, your driver's test is optional!' Who doesn't want that on the roads?.
• Headline: Former Sotheby's Chief Is Said To Be Planning to Plead Guilty. Impact: Brooks' guilty plea creates a butterfly effect that leads to annual 'Auction House Wars,' where rival auctioneers engage in dramatic bidding wars that mirror reality TV show antics, complete with dramatic music and slow-motion reveals.. Fact: Did you know that antitrust violations are just fancy words for 'We wanted to play nice, but we just couldn't help ourselves'?.
• Headline: In Test, F.C.C. Lifts Requirement On Broadcasting Political Replies. Impact: The lifting of political reply requirements accidentally inspires a new trend in late-night TV, where hosts invite their political opponents for a friendly game of charades instead of debates. Politics becomes a comedy show—literally!. Fact: Did you know that the FCC's decision could have led to a world where politicians were required to rap their policies instead of just droning on? Now that would have been TV worth watching!.