SEPTEMBER 30, 2000

Full News Archive

• Headline: Chapman's Parole Hearing: A Controversial Debate. Impact: If Mark David Chapman had never pulled the trigger, perhaps the Beatles would have reunited for a world tour, leading to a music revolution that would have made disco the dominant genre forever. Thanks, Chapman, for saving us from that catastrophe.. Fact: John Lennon was once a member of a band called The Beatles, which is now known as the reason your parents think they know good music..
• Headline: Revamping the Manhattan Mall Experience. Impact: The closing of Stern’s could inadvertently lead to a renaissance of weird pop-up shops selling artisanal kale chips and overpriced candles. One can only hope the ghost of Stern’s continues to haunt the mall with bad retail decisions.. Fact: Manhattan Mall's most consistent tenant has been the 'forgotten dreams of retailers' that never made it past the planning phase..
• Headline: More a Loop Than a Knot. Impact: Danish rejection of the Euro could lead to a future where all European nations embrace their quirky currencies, resulting in a new travel trend: currency-themed vacations to collect all the rare coins. Get your Euro-scrapbooks ready!. Fact: Slobodan Milosevic was ousted partly because he couldn't take a hint—turns out being a dictator isn’t as trendy as it used to be..
• Headline: Tea With Cher, and Other Stops on the Fund-Raising Trail. Impact: Hillary's fundraising efforts might have inadvertently spurred an entire generation of students to major in Political Science, convinced they too could one day sip tea with Cher while plotting their electoral ascendance. Tea parties may never be the same.. Fact: Fundraising is a lot like fishing—everyone pretends to love it, but most just want to get a nice dinner out of it..