AUGUST 3, 2000

Full News Archive

• Headline: Voices Clash Over NYC Police Report. Impact: The dissenting voices in this report inadvertently sparked a nationwide trend of public officials disagreeing with everything, leading to the rise of ‘Dissenting Statements’ as a new political sport.. Fact: Two members dissenting from a report is like two squirrels arguing over an acorn: it might be cute, but no one really cares about the outcome..
• Headline: California Faces Electricity Crisis Amid Heat Wave. Impact: California’s near electricity failure paved the way for the invention of solar-powered surfboards. Because, you know, if you can’t beat the heat, you might as well ride it.. Fact: California's energy crisis is just a reminder that when they said 'sunshine state', they definitely meant for solar panels and not for electricity..
• Headline: Capt. Billy Joel, Designer Man. Impact: Billy Joel designing a luxury speedboat resulted in a bizarre chain of events where musicians began designing their own vehicles. Next up? A Jay-Z inspired luxury subway car!. Fact: Billy Joel designing a boat is like your uncle trying to fix a car – it sounds great until you realize it’s just going to end up in the shop..
• Headline: THE MARKETS: Market Place; Recruiters Ask For Equity And Get It. Impact: The demand for equity stakes among recruiters led to a new trend in corporate negotiations: 'Who can outsmart whom at the table while not getting sued?' Welcome to the new age of corporate chess.. Fact: Asking recruiters for equity is like asking a cat for a favor – they may consider it, but don’t count on them actually following through..